Showing posts with label they call me mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label they call me mom. Show all posts

A lady is still a lady, even when she farts!

 


From Goddess to Pin up to housewife...

The history of women fascinates me; I love to learn how women were portrayed through the ages. Some of the histories give me ‘ah ha’ moments and other info just irks me.


Here is a bit of a history lesson….

Random tidbits

I read in “The History of God” about how women were worshiped and then some Rabbi decided (all on his own, when there are only a few people in the world, so I guess you can make stuff up and nobody knows different) that only men could be Rabbi’s and that women had a place beside men and obeying them. Bending over whenever he was jonesin’ for some.

Prostitutes were valued and paid well, then the church decided (and most likely some disgruntled wives) that whores were dirty and they were put to death. We now know how they are viewed these days…

The Roman Goddesses looked after fertility, trees, love, health, and entire seas. People asked for their protection and guidance.

Nowadays some people think a supermodel is a goddess.

Something wrong here.

All a model happens to do is show the rest of us the clothes we won’t wear, the size we will never be and if you don’t eat, you can make mega bucks.

The pin-up girl brought back the appreciation of the female body (and might have snowballed into porn acceptance) Fully covered-up women in the early 1900’s1900s (have you seen the bathing suits from that time?) started to see the pin-up girls of the wars.

“Women are no longer to be considered little tootsey wootseystootsies who have nothing to do but look pretty. They are determined to take an active part in the community and look pretty too”. ~Lydia Commander, 1909

The pin-up girl was painted on the warplanes and pinned up in soldier quarters. Women worked while the men were away at war and the soldiers had the beauty of a woman to remind them...of a powerful thing…a woman!

Soldiers of WW11 knew who the real pin-up girls” were, the women at home.

The housewife, as portrayed on TV, June Cleaver, seems unreal to us now, always in a dress/skirt, make-up and hair done up. The housewife of the 50″s became outdated and women went to work. Just as in the current time when the woman is doing what a man does. Unforeseen at one time in history.

Women have been looked upon as different creatures, Women have been put in their place, and have evolved into other roles.

Female history is unlike male history. Our roles, portrayals, views, and status have come from one spectrum to another. It is amazing to think of the diverse roles women have played throughout time.

It almost puts claim to the saying “Boys will be boys” The role of a man stayed consistent through time.

A woman has endless bounds of evolution.

A lady is always a lady!

Always holds a door for her, always pulls out her chair, and always ignores the fact that she let one squeak out!

Episode. 16 - How old am I? How old do I feel?

 


When I look in the mirror, I wonder how I got this old. Without the visual proof that I am no longer someone in my twenties or thirties, in my mind, I see and feel like a young adult.

Like many older people, you do not consider yourself different from the decades before. 

Then come those moments in life when you are reminded you are no longer that young person but an older version of that same person.

Having young women tell you they envy you for sitting at a bar alone. Telling you they wish they had the confidence to do so.

The doctor upsells you vaccines for people over fifty. 

The hairstyles you found as samples for the hairdresser to cut and style my hair are commented on as old lady styles.




Woman's Magazines

This Goddess has Super Powers!

 Oh yeah, I have some powers, the magical way I turn heads; make them want me. 

Oh, they want to be me; I know they do. They are all staring at me now!

  Hell, I am beautiful, stunning...





These powers did not come easy; I had to earn them.



I will let you in on the secret of my super, power ways because I am fantastic too.


The first step to awesomeness:  Get the most amazing smelling shampoo; use Head & Shoulders, it will get rid of that itch, and it comes in some fantastic scents these days.


Next: Make sure to soak those scratch pads off your heels; I think a file will help.


Then: Start at the ankle and stand on one foot while shaving up to the knee, now behind the knee..might as well keep going. Another leg..now pits.


You can use different methods for more body parts that require Sasquatch rescue. Pouring hot wax on the skin and ripping each hair out by the root is an option; burning creams work sometimes, or try all the methods to get the entire ape-like image under control.


We now move to the monkey brows, but don't stop there, start plucking the brows and move to the entire face. Rip all the stray hairs on your face using a mirror and great light. I noticed that natural light is best; I can always see facial hairs that were not seen before in the visor mirror of my car--and I am not plucking them there. 


Try to shape your eyebrows so they match; if you screw up, grab a pencil quick. 


Move to the moisturizing of the entire body. Make sure to moisturize your face and make sure it is smooth and glowing; they sell sand blaster-type gadgets that take off all the gukky skin cells for you. You could also use sandpaper or a scrubby thing from the kitchen...hey, it works on pots, right?

Once the exfoliating and moisturizing are done, check your entire face for random hairs. They seem to pop up whenever and often.


Check mirror...


Ah what the hell is that?


... OK cover up! 


Stay calm. 


Blend the foundation evenly over the entire face...still check for weird-ass hairs on the chin, cheeks, and between eyebrows...if too much cover-up gets on them, they stand out like tentacles.


Brush brows..not sure why but I have one of those thingys for that.


Apply shadow...so both eyes look somewhat similar.


Mascara...freakin' clumps...tissue rescue, and you're good.


Lip liner..now be sure to check this during the day; if your lipstick has left you and you just have liner left..it ain't pretty. So make sure to reapply lipstick all day long.


Hang upside down, shaking hair while blow drying it...body is the key here. Uplift those roots to bring out the fullness. Be careful not to do it too long...just saying...be careful!


File nails, stroke on polish..clean polish from cuticles, fingertips, and end table.


Put blouse in the dryer while running through the house in gitch...





<------Nothing like the gitch I have on, running through the house.


Gitch - My word for underwear, panties etc.,









Breathe...take a sip of cold coffee, almost there, to awesomeness and power goddess.


Moisturize random body parts with body butter; pause and try to remember where you got a thousand jars of body butter from.


Back to the mirror for final primping and adjustments:


  • Lipstick on teeth? nope
  • Cow lick? Can't save it.
  • Perfume? Cheap stuff or good stuff....easy does it.
  • Hair spray layer,
  •  Extra powder on the face, 
  • Jewelry, 
  • Socks
  • ...run down and get blouse..still in gitch.


Get dressed...do not touch the white blouse to make up on your face, or you will have to start over.


Beautiful, a triumph of goddessness! 


 People are looking...yup, I have done well..I look awesome..everyone is looking....I am turning heads. Some are even pointing......


Holy Crap!!!!!


Discover a large clump of peanut butter and jam on my ass...I think there is even toast involved. A grimey turdball (affectionate name of child-o-mine) left part of his breakfast on the chair I sat on while putting my shoes on before I went. 


People are staring at my ass, alright......


OK..


nevermind..the goddess thing...


you are on your own now. Sorry